Quote Authors List

Golden Quotations

Rantings Quotations

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's not hard to tell we was poor, when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

George Lindsey

What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive.

Irv Kupcinet

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

All I'm saying is that you're deluded, pathetic, and squirrels use your head to store chestnuts for the cold winter months in.


People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

George Burns

If you'd been where I'd been, if you'd seen the things I'd seen!, you,you'd be me. Or someone following me around.

Alan Parker

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb, and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Dolly Parton

We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

Dan Quayle

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Emo Phillips

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.

Fred Hoyle

They all laughed at Albert Einstein. They all laughed at Columbus. Unfortunately, they also all laughed at Bozo the Clown.

Carl Sagan

Memorable Quotes

A wonderful rant on the fundamental importance of having both a sense of humor and the ability to shout back.

Kurt Vonnegut

I'd just like to say that of all the people I've ever known, you are one of them.

Unknown Author

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

P.J. O'Rourke

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Dave Barry

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

ou can at least teach a dingo to fetch. The problem is, it can take years to teach it the difference between a baby and a stick.

Kerry Cue

It's true, no man is an island, but if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a pretty good raft.

Bug Eyed Ear

Main cause of death for hummingbirds: Crashing ass-first into trees.

Unknown Author

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.

Frank Rizzo

Quotes cards

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.

Joe Girard

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Oscar Wilde

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

Steven Wright

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Author Unknown

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

Charles Schulz

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Will Rogers
The Universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
You don't change the way people think by changing what they say. You change the way people think with HEADLESS CHARRED BODIES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR. BLOOD! FLAMES! HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!.
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”
I realized I needed my own love more than the people I selflessly gave it to.

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