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Golden Quotations

Laughable Quotations

Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.

A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

My ancestors didn't spend the last 2 million years clawing their way to the top of the food chain, for me to become a vegetarian.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.

Beverly Jones

After all is said and done, usually more is said.

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

Robert Frost

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Learn from the mistakes of others - you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

Memorable Quotes

If you can smile when things go wrong then you have someone in mind to blame.

Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together.

Carl Zwanig

If a man says something, but there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Maryon Pearson

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

I'm not against the police; I'm just afraid of them.

Alfred Hitchcock

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mark Twain

Insightful Quotes cards

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is vanity.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

Groucho Marx

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

I don’t want to be a vampire. I’m a day person.

Jim Carrey
I can tell you that the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
If I still cannot hear what you have to say after you have repeated it three times, I will just laugh and hope it was not a question.
‘I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of.
Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

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