Witty Quotes
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.  Charles Schultz
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. - Evan Esar
All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
- Lord Byron
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner
I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. - Jennifer Greene Duncan
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books. - Samuel Butler
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
- Robert Frost
Don’t be so humble - you are not that great. - Golda Meir
Ideas are like rabbits. You get a few and learn how to handle them and pretty soon you have a dozen. -John Steinbeck
Britain is the only country in the world where the
food is more dangerous than the sex. - Jackie Mason
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
- Billy Crystal.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." -- Bob Hope
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
- Will Rogers
The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. - General George Patton
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. - A. J. Liebling
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. - Josh Billings
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. - Doug Larson
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill
All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
- George Orwell
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
- Gloria Leonard
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to know how to lie well. - Anonymous
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.- Danny Kaye
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
- Daniel Francois Esprit Auber
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell