Quintessential Quotes
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. - Bob Monkhouse
If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum. - George Muncaster
Americans always do the right thing, after exhausting all other alternatives. - Winston Churchill
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. - Clive Staples Lewis
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. - Robert Frost
There is nothing in the world that can give man a sense of the
infinite like human stupidity. - Unknown
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. - Unknown
A day without sunshine is like night.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. - Erma Bombeck
A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
- Noelie Altito
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil
- Paul Getty
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool. - Edgar Watson Howe
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
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Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- Unknown
A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
- Stan Laurel
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I was so poor growing up, if I wasn't a boy I'd have nothing to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield