Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Quote me as saying I was misquoted.
I've worked myself up from nothing to a state of supreme poverty.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
She got her looks from her father: He's a plastic surgeon.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
"Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?" "But there is no house next door." "No? Then let's go build one!"
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.